I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
