I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
