How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
