we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Randomize
