my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
