I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
