i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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