Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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