Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
