It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
