Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
