First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
