who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
