im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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