I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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