I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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