Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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