So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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