I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
