I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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