Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
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Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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