Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
