maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
