so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
