Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize