He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
