how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
