Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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