that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
