Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think your dad took our porno
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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