yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think i have two assholes
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
