I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
