Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
