I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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