I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
