So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
