I'm drive I can fine osifer
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it because I queefed?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
