I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize