You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im holly from the hills drunk
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Randomize
