Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
