Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
