I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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