i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize