I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
