a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
FUCK WHALES
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
