Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
