Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
