I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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