I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
