i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
