I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
