I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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