I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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