I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
