He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
