That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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