We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
