I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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