apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
