so explain again why im purple
no
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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