I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
