Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
