all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You need Xanax blowdarts
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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