Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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