I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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